From the moment we are old enough to understand love, we are fed the idea of “The One.” It is in every book, every movie, and every love song. The notion that somewhere, out in the vast expanse of the world, exists a singular person perfectly designed to complete us is as enchanting as it is misleading. We are taught to believe that love is serendipitous—that the universe conspires to unite two souls that are destined to be together. And once they meet, the story is set; love will be effortless, an ever-burning flame that requires no tending. But real love is far from this fairytale. It is neither a predestined miracle nor a flawless collision of two halves of a whole. Love, in its truest form, is not about finding “The One” but about choosing, nurturing, and growing alongside someone over time.
The problem with the soulmate myth
The belief in soulmates has been romanticised to the point of setting unrealistic expectations for relationships. When we think of soulmates, we think of an unshakable connection, a relationship free of challenges, disagreements, and imperfections. This ideal makes us believe that love should always feel easy and that the right person will just fit into our lives effortlessly. But reality tells a different story. Relationships, no matter how strong the initial attraction, require work, patience, and compromise. By clinging to the soulmate myth, many individuals become disillusioned when their relationships hit rough patches. They begin to question if they were truly meant to be together, wondering if perhaps “The One” is still out there, waiting to be found. This mindset creates a dangerous pattern of chasing an illusion rather than embracing the deeply fulfilling process of building love through shared experiences, understanding, and commitment.
The soulmate ideology also places an enormous amount of pressure on individuals to find this supposed perfect person, as if our happiness and emotional fulfillment hinge on a single encounter. This leads to an obsession with fate and timing rather than an appreciation for effort and growth. People who believe in soulmates often dismiss potentially great partners simply because they don’t experience an immediate and all-consuming connection. However, some of the strongest relationships do not start with love at first sight; they evolve gradually, shaped by shared struggles, triumphs, and the choice to keep choosing each other every day.
Compatibility is not found; it is built
Compatibility is often mistaken for an innate connection, but in truth, it is a process of continuous adaptation. No two people are perfectly compatible from the start. Even couples who seem like a perfect match on the surface will encounter differences in values, habits, and perspectives. These differences, however, do not signal incompatibility; rather, they provide an opportunity for growth. Long-lasting love is built when partners learn to communicate effectively, navigate conflicts with respect, and support each other through life’s unpredictabilities.
Think of a relationship as a garden. In the beginning, it may seem effortless to plant the seeds of attraction, common interests, and shared dreams. But a thriving garden requires ongoing care. There will be weeds to pull, storms to withstand, and periods where nothing seems to grow. If both partners are willing to tend to their relationship, nourishing it with patience, kindness, and effort, their love will flourish in ways that transcend the initial infatuation of new romance. The most beautiful relationships are not those where everything aligns from day one, but those where two people consciously and continuously choose to build a life together, weaving their individual differences into a harmonious tapestry.
The choice of love over the illusion of destiny
If we abandon the notion of “The One,” what we are left with is a far more empowering reality—the idea that love is a choice. This does not make love any less romantic; in fact, it makes it even more meaningful. Choosing to love someone, even in moments of difficulty, is far more profound than the belief that love is simply dictated by fate. The most enduring love stories are not those where everything falls perfectly into place, but those where two people actively work through their differences, create shared meaning, and grow together over time.
Understanding that love is a choice rather than a destined fate shifts our perspective on relationships. It allows us to embrace imperfection and to see disagreements as opportunities for deeper connection rather than signs of incompatibility. It encourages us to appreciate the partner we have rather than endlessly searching for a mythical ideal. Most importantly, it relieves us of the burden of believing that there is only one person who can make us happy. In truth, love is not about waiting for the perfect person to arrive but about becoming the right person for someone else through dedication, empathy, and commitment.
Redefining romance for a stronger love
In rejecting the myth of “The One,” we do not diminish the magic of love; rather, we illuminate its true essence. Love is not a predestined fairytale but an evolving masterpiece created through mutual effort, patience, and understanding. It is not about waiting for a cosmic force to unite us with a perfect partner but about actively choosing and nurturing a relationship with someone who aligns with our values, respects our growth, and is willing to build a life with us. When we stop chasing the illusion of a predetermined soulmate and start embracing the reality of love as a journey, we free ourselves to experience deeper, more fulfilling relationships. We learn that the best kind of love is not the one that is found but the one that is built—one day, one challenge, and one choice at a time.
